#58 - Beyond willpower
3 things that stop making sense once you know who you really are
What’s beyond willpower?
This question will set you on a journey from good to god, from trying to thriving.
Willpower is to our mind like strength is to our muscles. Through mental effort, we spend our energy on controlling and focusing our thoughts. The stronger our willpower, the harder we can paddle on the metaphorical ocean of our potential.
Thing is, just like with muscles, the harder we “paddle with our mind” the more tired we eventually feel. Personal strength, physical or mental, is a finite resource.
Yet when we are at our best, in flow, we feel like something bigger is taking over. We feel energized. Performance is effortless and inspired. We transcend our limitations and go above what we thought we were capable of. What’s going on?
We forgot that the “something bigger” we feel is who we are. It’s our default, actually. It is not luck, or random chance, it is not a mystery, nor magic. Once we know how it works, it is as reliable as any other part of us.
Which brings us to the big paradigm shift:
We are a sailboat, not a canoe.
Paddling is not the most effective way forward. It’s not how we’re designed to navigate life. So, what’s beyond paddling?
Hoist the sails and let the wind fill you up. We have an innate capacity to thrive and perform at our best, just like a sailboat can count on the wind. We call this “spirit-power”. All we need is knowing where to look for it.
Spirit-power is like the shutter in a camera. It can let more or less light in. When it’s wide open, we can access our wealth of skills, experiences and beyond. When it’s closed, it doesn’t matter how good or prepared we are, it’s like all our abilities and training went out of the window. I’m sure you know the feeling of underperforming even if you knew you could do better.
Unleashing our spirit-power changes the game of what’s possible in our performance. It radically turns upside down most of the things we’ve been told about fulfilling our potential.
Here are 3 myths that are common in performance coaching that stop making sense once we understand spirit-power. They might be “normal”, but they are definitely not “natural”.
1. Mental fatigue is inevitable after performance
The Myth
We hear this all the time, often linked to the length of the competition/project (“It’s normal to be low on mental energy at this point of the championship”, “we’ve been working on this project for months, of course we’re fatigued now”) or to its importance (“Champions League games require more mental resources”, “this was a huge deal, I really need a break now”).
On the canoe (before)
Willpower requires effort, and it’s a finite resource. When we fuel our performances with willpower, we will need to rest and recover.
On the sailboat (now)
When we access our full potential, it feels energizing rather than draining.
See for yourself
Think of any performance you remember in your heart as incredible. Think of moments when you were “in the zone”, almost carried by something greater than you. How did it feel?
The new understanding
Mental fatigue at the end of a day (or a game) is not the inevitable consequence of performing, but a sign that you’ve been paddling instead of harnessing the wind.Fatigue is telling you that you’ve been more interested in your thoughts, feelings and how to manage them, rather than being fully in the game.
What’s possible now
When we see that mental fatigue is not the consequence of our best performance, but its opposite, we progressively lose respect for the idea of controlling our thoughts and we become way more interested in enjoying what’s in front of us. This allows our spirit-power to take over and bring out our best. You can finish each game, meeting, or project with more energy than when you started. You’re unstoppable now.
2. Concentration is essential before performance
The Myth
We believe that thinking (obsessively) about the performance will help us. You must “take it seriously” if you want to succeed. In fact, if we don’t feel (at least) a slight sense of weight and pressure before something “important” we worry and we find ways to get there (for examples reminding ourselves of what’s at stake, or what failing would mean for us).
On the canoe (before)
Willpower puts the spotlight on our mind. We try to control our thoughts and “expel” distracting ones. We mistake presence and commitment with a feeling of “seriousness”.
On the sailboat (now)
We know our potential needs space to emerge. We realize that the very act of focusing on our thinking obstructs the natural flow of our force of spirit. The less concerned we are about our thoughts, the better we feel and the more powerful our performance becomes.
See for yourself
How did you get “in the zone”? You can’t answer because “the zone” is not something to reach, it reaches you. Do you feel your best once you’re “in the game” and allow yourself to relax in your performance, or when you’re trying to think yourself into a certain mental state?
The new understanding
Our best is something that emerges in real-time, as we’re in the game.
What we think or how we feel before the performance doesn’t matter (unless we think it does and give it power).
What’s possible now
We can allow ourselves to enjoy every moment of our work. We stop being afraid of light and heart-warming feelings, so we experience them more often. Our performance and our wellbeing spiral up together. We see through the lie that if you care about what you do, you must feel bad, serious and under pressure most of the time.
3. Team building: you have to work on those relationships
The Myth
We assume that we won’t find connection unless we “hack it”. Therefore, we hunt for the best tools to “build” relationships. All these tools end up overriding people’s wisdom.
On the canoe (before)
We think disconnection in a team comes from behaviors and personalities, so we try to change them. We look for the “right recipe” and force everyone to follow it. This tells people they can’t trust themselves and makes them feel insecure, which makes it harder to connect.
On the sailboat (now)
When our mind is clear, connection arises naturally, making the team stronger.
See for yourself
Have you noticed that no conflict has ever been resolved by holding on to negative thoughts? No problem has been solved by thinking more about it! When you stopped thinking certain thoughts, your feelings changed, clarity came back and connection re-emerged. From that place, there was no problem: you just knew what to do.
The new understanding
The only thing that gets in the way of connection is insecurity.
When we see something that upsets us, addressing it is the worst thing to do as it fuels more insecurity.
If we were at our best, we would inevitably see things differently, take them less personally and we would feel more connected and understanding towards others.
What’s possible now
Connection within a team is natural. If it’s not there, people temporarily lost their clarity. The feeling of disconnection informs us that we must let go and refuse to address the problem. Only then we find our bearings again, let the high-spirit of each person return and marvel at how different the situation looks from that place without having done anything to change it.
Final words
Our mind is a powerful tool. It creates worlds in our head that we can feel in our body as if they were happening for real. That’s why when we think angry thoughts, we feel angry, when we think sad thoughts, we feel sad, and so on.
This feature of the mind caused a misunderstanding with devastating effects: because pouring energy and attention into a thought makes it feel incredibly real, we figured that we could “trick the mind” by controlling our thoughts and manufacturing the ones that could make us perform better. This is the willpower strategy, aimed at controlling the mind.
But here are a few problems with it:
It’s exhausting. And the truth is, no one can control their thoughts for too long. If they say anything different, they’re lying!
All that mental effort steals energy we could have poured in the actual performance.
This artificial form of empowerment actually gets in the way of our spirit-power, the true source of our potential, which is way more powerful and effortless.
This last point is essential, and the more we “get it” (not intellectually, but at a deeper level) the easier it will be to thrive: we are not our thoughts. There is so much more to us than what we think (literally!). Willpower only looks like a good option in a world where thoughts are all we have.
I’m sure part of you inevitably recognizes the truth: there is something bigger at play when it comes to our potential. Something that our intellect can’t confine.
That force of spirit is who you really are. And learning how to perform from there can affect your life and your results in ways that are impossible to describe in words. It can bring consistency where there was only luck, mystery and superstition.
What we’re saying is that being your very best might be easier than you ever thought. Deep down, you know it’s true.
And if that’s the case, wouldn’t it be a pity not to stop and have a better look at how it works?
NoWay is all about cultivating our force of spirit. Lighting that fire in us that can move mountains effortlessly. It’s all about leaving the quest for “the right way”, and embracing the fact that there’s NoWay but the one you’ll create following your dreams and desires.
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I love you guys, thanks for being here!
Nico