#92 - What a shame!

...or not?

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Recently I went to a school reunion with people I hadn’t seen or heard from in over 25 years.

As we were chatting away, reminiscing the old times and sharing legendary stories, someone dared a mate to ask an “embarrassing” question to the girl next to him. He raised his eyebrow, seemingly not getting what the big deal was, and simply asked. Everyone erupted in laughter and embarrassed looks. The guy was really not sure about what was going on until something clicked and he said “guys you need to know that I don’t feel shame. I don’t know why, I simply don’t feel it, so for me is never a problem asking any question”.

The answer caught my attention, and I made a mental note to muse on it at a later date.

Today is that day.

Shame, or embarrassment, is a funny thing if you think about it. We wonder little about what it is and how it works, yet it’s one of the most potent forces that get between us and the life of freedom we dream of living.

How many things don’t we do for fear of feeling embarrassed? How many times did we suffocate a question or a remark in our throat, simply because of the menace of embarrassment looming over our head?

Also, the old classic “worrying about people’s opinions” is just another byproduct of shame.

Given the choice, most of us would rather face a hungry tiger than doing something we think will make us feel ashamed. Isn’t it true?

Yet, we rarely point our finger at shame as the cause of our inaction. We generously craft an abundance of reasons instead: “it was not the right moment”, or “maybe next time”, “I’m not ready”, or “it was actually better this other way”. The result? One more day spent without sharing with the world who we really are.

I invite you to spend a few good minutes with these questions:

What would be different in your life if shame wasn’t a problem? If you didn’t have to be afraid of feeling embarrassed, what would you do that you’re not currently doing? How much freer would you feel?